


April

by ghostofachancewithyou



Series: Astronomer [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Despair, F/M, Gen, Hope, LLF Comment Project, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Sadness, burned Chilton, mention of m/f sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofachancewithyou/pseuds/ghostofachancewithyou
Summary: Chilton's life as a burn survivor- sometimes it seems unbearable. Love cannot overcome everything, can it?. Set after season three.





	April

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @locke-writes' tumblr challenge in May 2017. It won first place.

It’s early when she wakes up. Quiet Friday morning. April. Gray sky, white sun.

As usual she wishes the blinds were all the way down. Not because she doesn’t want to see him, but because in the darkness they are one, alone in their own world, no outside, just the sheets, just their breaths, their warmth, skin on skin. (Hers soft, his scarred.)

But even though it’s been three years … the nightmares are back. He can’t sleep in the dark anymore.

She feels Frederick move next to her. He’s waking up. She turns around instantly, wraps her left arm around his waist and places gentle kisses on the back of his head.

She knows this is the hardest moment of his entire day, these are the seconds when everything’s coming back to him. She always tries to get through to him and his thoughts, hold him tight and whisper something in his ear, something nice, tell him a story, anything that distracts him from the realization that everything hurts and nothing will be the same again.

He turns around slowly, the tiniest of smiles appearing around his eyes when he sees her.

“Good morning, my love.“

Breathe in, breathe out, he’s alive.

**

Next week he’s going back to the hospital. His fourteenth time.

**

The sound of the worker tiling the terrace reverberates through the house. A hammer, strong, stubborn, like her heart.

It’s spring. Life goes on.

**

It has become a ritual to send him off with something special, making a unique memory from which he can draw strength at night when he’s alone in his hospital bed, without her at his side.

Frederick doesn’t go out often, especially not to public places like concert halls or theaters. But he still loves music so much.

So this time she decided to host a private soiree, just for the two of them. Peabody student string quartet–top notch, of course, but still: just students. No one of note, not even a professor. No one who would know him from before.

**

After dinner she sees Frederick walk over to the window. He’s looking up, maybe at the budding trees or into nothing, she doesn’t know. There’s a look on his face she’s unable to describe. Later she will say it was determination.

**

In a corner of the music room the two of them are sitting in half-shadow. The students are performing his favorite chamber music pieces, as per her request: Rihm’s string quartet no. 3, Schubert’s string quartet no. 14. Perhaps too intense for a calm April evening, definitely too dramatic for her taste. But he’s visibly enjoying it, fully lost in the music, not noticing the way she fondly looks at him every few minutes. Yes, it was a good idea to do this. She puts her hand in his, their fingers intertwining.

The butterflies in her stomach are beginning to stir.

**

It took her three years, but now she’s at a point where she generally allows herself to let go and be truly passionate with Frederick again. He always knew how to make her happy. That never changed. It only ever was about the feeling of intimacy anyway.

There are still some things he can enjoy. She loves to give him pleasure although he rarely lets her. But tonight is different. She’s surprised when he initiates sex, and too happy to question it.

**

She wakes up earlier than usual. Dark gray sky. A solitary songbird nearby. Still bleary it takes her several seconds to realize that he’s not lying next to her.

Bare feet, down the stairs, billowing nightgown. Cold living room, open terrace door.

**

She finds him on the ground, right at the edge of the pool, as curled up as his stiff joints allow. Sobbing, gasping. Next to him are some of the heavy marble tiles the worker left behind, two of them tied with rope to his ankles, rather pathetically.

She runs over to him, throws herself over his shivering body.

_I’m here, sweetheart. It’s going to be alright. I promise. I love you._

Over and over again until Frederick’s sobs become softer.

_Sorry. I can’t. Couldn’t do it. Sorry. Anymore. I love you._

Barely more than a raspy whisper.

No outside, just their breaths, skin on skin, heart to heart. (Hers scarred, his scarred.)

He’s alive.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> ***  
>  [I'm on tumblr.](http://ghostofachancewithyou.tumblr.com)


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